and it turns out i was right

nobody gives a fuck about me.

i'm wrong.

cause i fail in studies.

cause of my appearance.

cause of my beliefs.

i'm tired.

i'm sick.

so, i'm leaving.

don't call me a fucking attention seeker.

i'm tired with my performance.

i'll take my oscar now.

and i'll start a new one.

i'll forget people who don't give a shit about me.

i'll forget people who do.

because, right now.

all i want, is a new life.

filled with new things and new people.

who actually cares.

so goodbye.

forever.

i hope i feel happy now.

ARRGHHH.

blogging doesn't seem fun anymore.

there's nothing much to blog.

there wasn't anything to blog about anyway.

because,

my life, isn't interesting.

nothing happens. at all.

i wake up, and eat, breathe and dream.

of wonderful things that i'll never have.

no.

my life isn't interesting.

but her life is.

everyone reads her fucking blog.

everyone thinks she's pretty.

everyone kisses her ass.

even though it's covered in shit.

god has no right to torture me this way.

giving me literally nothing, at all to live for.

we all live for a reason, and when that reason disappears, we die.

enough said.

some people live for love,

for beauty,

for dreams.

accomplishing everything they can, and then leave a mark on this godforsaken world.

and it's up to the living,

to honor this dead bitch.

to idolize him/her and remember her accomplishments.

but me,

when i die, who will remember me?

i don't exist at home.

in school. pfft, i don't even have a school to go to.

outside.

anywhere.

i blend in.

and stand out, in a crowd of pretty people.

*not in a good way*

i'm bland.

i'm boring.

i have no love to live for.

my dreams are already crushed.

i'm not smart enough to accomplish anything that has to do with intelligence.

i have no talent, to astound the world with.

i have no heart, to love.

i have no soul, to live for.

i'm an empty person.

soul-less, and i'm dying

on the inside.

maybe, one day,

i'll fly away.

leave all this to yesterday.

maybe.

one day, i'll get to live.

but now, i'm just sick and tired of everything.

and it's killing me.

fml.

i have 3 minutes to blog. sohereitis. nospacessavestime ^^

anyways. hi jade. im busy so i deleted fb.

i have igcse's today

crapcrapcrap

i need 3 more credits. actually 2. but 3 would be nice. ARRGGHHHHHHH FMLLL.

anyways. i finish on the 10th nov. so i will see ya then.

ciao

grow the fuck up.

I HAVE SIGNED FOR THE DRIVING LESSONS.

omg omg omg ^^ now all i need to do is get a job. *thinks*

then high end shops here i come. WOOTS.

fuck them. and FUCK YOU TOO JISOO <--- joking.

i will now take the liberty to eat a cheeseburger while saying this message.

"HEGH-LOOWW JISHOOO NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM" nothing taste's better than a yummy imaginary ramlee burger. OH SINCE WE'RE IMAGINING, LET ME IMAGINE MYSELF DRIVING A SUAVE CAR, IN NEW YORK CITY. OH SHIT NOOO IM GETTING ROBBED. GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAKS. WHA-? NO. NOOOO IM NOT A TERRORIST. GOD DAMMIT NOOO, DON'T SEND ME TO THE ASLYUM. I CAN'T EVEN PRONOUNCE THAT PROPERLY. OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

you know harrods is owned by some rich arab dude. gosh. i wish i was his daughter. =) I JUST HAD LIKE TWO REDBULLS MIXED WITH COFFEE. SO EXCUUUUUSE MY HIGHNESS. SOMEHOW MY HOLLE BODY IS SHAKING.ANDITSANNYOING.GOODDDDDDDDDD. IM A LION. ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

OMGGG IT'S SO COOL, THE MORE LETTERS I PUT, THE SMALLER THE BLUE BAR THINGY IS.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AMOIEBVFNPVNFV

S

SOMCDPONEDS

SSNSOPMD

ANECIPNW03J-3

WQW0I2-030-903E

PJ39I2309UEK

AKXONSIOXNXSIA

1H0A0823JUE0I3EMDNENDIB9W90348328750

SJNDBNS

WE SHOULD EXECUTE PRESIDENT NIXON

13982SNDIEINSIANX

2-34NDDNWS

YEAH DECIPHER THAT YOU AMERICANS. AHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHA

BOINK BOINK

GAYDAR MALFUNCTION.

BOINKY BOINKY BOINK BOINK WHEEE UP DOWN LEFT RIGHT. SIDE TO SIDE.

IM HUNGRY

FAISHAL SIGNED IN ON MSN TODAY. BUT HE'S SO SOMBONG.

AAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAH

SOMBONNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG. JUST LIKE JISOO AND NAHLA.

AKAKOAKWIH2383 S9W9U29J3EBD SAJAJA CNEH8033893844

I MAKE MUSIC WHILE TYPING. OH WAIT HE REPLIED. SINCE THIS IS A RARE OCCASION IN HISTORY, I WILL DOCUMENT IT.

Faishal says: (8:31:18 PM)

omg

Faishal says: (8:31:18 PM)

im so sorry

Faishal says: (8:31:19 PM)

haha

Faishal says: (8:31:22 PM)

didnt notice

Faishal says: (8:31:26 PM)

stupid ebuddy.

seee i told you he's on the line. YOU SHITHEADS NEVER BEEEEEEELIFFFF IN MOIII.

BELIVE IN YOUSELF THAT WOT DISNEY SAY RIGHT LEFT? UP DOWN? HAHAHAHAHAH.

OMGG OMAMA REMEMBER MY DREAM? GOSH SO FUNNY. AND REMEMBER THAT GUY.

YOUR GAYDAR MALFUNCTIONED MAANNNNN. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

AHAHAHAHAAHA I LIKE TO SEEE MY HANDS DANCE WHILE TYPING..

ANYWAYS, THERE'S NO RACE IN DEANA'S WORLD ONLY COMPETITIONS. (: I WIN. WHEE

i seriously, gotta lay off the sugar. oh well. i have to go scream at something now. byebye.

albino

omama says im an albino.

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i want the green fairy =P

i wanna get drunk. badly.

dang it.

so lazy to blog. =( just gonna write crap lah~ HAHA.

anyways, i haven't been studying much. *GOSH* i need to memorize my practicals, and well excretion. I need to finish sets, and chap 14-18 of business studies. GOSH GOSH GOSH. 10 more days =( *scared*

I need 3 credits. SIGH. but i'm aiming for a's at the moment. yeah, laugh all you want bitch. But i'll get a's for biology, business and *hopefully* maths ^^*

Mhm. MHM. then it's back to the cpu for me ^^ gosh, i haven't realised how much i missed my friends. *sighsighsigh*

anyways, toodles. that's all. Imma wait for my study mood to come *in 30 mins* and do the above mentioned tonight. Then sleep. Then study again. ^^

CIAOO

Hellow there.

Hellow, I'm Deana.

I've been afk and m.i.a for quite some time.

I look asian.

Oh wait.

I am asian ^^

*thanks chrystelle for the picture*

Balik kampung, oh oh oh (:

HAPPY HARI RAYA TO EVERYONE OUT THERE (:

one month of puasa, went by so fast.

you could hardly feel it. lol, joking.

i felt it. i mean, how can you not feel your throat and stomach aching for both food and water?

but that's alright. it's so frickin' easy to fast :P

ANYWAYS.

i'm back in Singapore ^^ for Hari Raya, this time.

it's 10 minutes to 8 right now.

can't wait to start 'jalan raya' in 2 more hours :):)

damn fucking fun.

I can't wait to like visit my cousin, *and my extended relatives, whoibasicallydontgiveashitabout

:P

AND GETTING MONEY. OMG. THAT'S LIKE THE BEST PART OF RAYA.

KAN FAHMI, KAN FAISHAL?

haha. so, selamat hari raya kepada semua orang islam ^^

and to the others too, have a happy raya.

:)

edit :- HAHA ^^

okay, so since it's raya, i'd like to apologize to my family and friends who i've hurt.

weather i realize it or don't.

so yeah.

:P BYE

ya need to hida yo kids, hide yo wife.

:P

everyone's watched this dumb shit on the news.

and now he released his song :P

HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE.

.. and so begins antoine's rap career :P

it's number one on itunes!!

support antoine.

get his shirt.

xD

evan's so hot :P

giving up.

I've just deactivated my facebook account,

deleted all the numbers in my phone,

and deleted crap from my msn.

i've deleted the people, i don't need in life.

and somehow, it feels liberating.

hot guy, middle finger #2

Anyways, everyone knows how busy, i've been these days *studying for igcse's

And that I hardly have any free time, to well interact and entertain you people.

Right?

Well, clearly not everyone.

Somehow, this girl decided to well, ask for an apology 'online', on her blog. But from who?

And then, taking everything back? How bitchy can you be?

Apologies.

Date: Sunday, August 29, 2010

I know that i might've been a b*tch since i've been neglecting one person. It's something new i've learnt where i can't control 2 different lives all together, the only words that can come out is i'm sorry, and with that, with hopes that that person might forgive me, i'll start smiling with no guilty feeling in me. Thinking about it for the past week, i've noticed that i'm not such a good person. Only looking forward, but never behind, isn't such a good thing either. So will you forgive me? This line that lingers in my heart, wishing it to be answered.

I noticed that because of my fright, i have blocked you from my world, and so if you forgive me, i am willing to welcome you back to my world.

I take it all back. Clearly my apology wasn't enough, so why bother trying again?

It's not worth my time. I'm just going to move on just like the world does.

Reasons why your apology sucks.

1) Nobody knows, who the fuck you're apologizing to.

2) How can you apologize to someone, and still block them on msn or facebook at the same time? What's the point of apologizing then?

3) Just because, you claim to be 'sorry' doesn't mean, it never happened.

4) You're apology is just a pathetic excuse, to show people that you 'tried' your best to do something.

5) The person still hates you, for what you've done.

Reasons why you're hated.

1) You changed your friggin' class for a silly argument. *what the fuck man?

2) You made the person's friends stray away from her.

3) You can't help but bitch constantly about the person, behind her back.

4) Your words, hurt too much.

5) You still block the person, through every means of communication.

SO, HOW THE FUCK CAN A PERSON REPLY, TO YOUR APOLOGY?

WHEN SHE HASN'T BEEN ONLINE FOR DAYS?

And taking your apology back proves, how much you still dislike her.

You can't forgive someone and then take it back. -.-

It just shows how much, you still dislike the person.

And you think an 'online' apology is going to cut it? Well, no it won't.

Because you don't know how much the person cried, on the night it happened.

You don't know what your friends or should i say, gay friend said to the person's face.

You don't know about the others who deleted, the person from their lives.

You caused so many people to hate the person.

You caused her friends to push the person away.

You did too much, to be forgiven.

So, don't apologize.

Unless, you're really ready to forgive the person, and forget the event.

Happy Birthday to Me (:

2nd September 2010

yay, it's finally my birthday (: woot woots.

I turn 17 today.. meaning i'm legal enough to get DRIVING LESSONS :P

YAY (: I SHOULD SMILE AND LAUGH AND DO A HAPPY DANCE.

FOR IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

I would personally, like to thank my cousin sheeqa *above* for the card :P

and everyone else who wished me :)

AND THESE PEOPLE KEEP ME GOING (:

Jade Lim Özil DEANA! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! i texted you but you didnt text back :(

3 hours ago · Comment · · See Wall-to-Wall

Nadhira Salim happy birthday deana! ♥ youuuuu! :D

6 hours ago · Comment · · See Wall-to-Wall

Nabeylo Ilah …
happy b'day kakak deana!!wish u all the best.........

Hazirah Hsdgk HAPPY BIRTHDAY :):):):)

13 hours ago · Comment · · See Wall-to-Wall

Nahla Brown JerkKid I love U Deana Sasha Baruchel!!!! and HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAAAAAAAY = D
You are an amaziiiiiiiiiiiing Dinooo♥!

22 hours ago · View post · Remove tag

Remove

Nahla Brown JerkKid DEANAAAAAAAAAAAA! Happy Birthdaaaaaaaaaaaaay love♥
Hope you have a greaaaaat year aheadd. I'm blessed to have you in my life..like seriously :P.. I love loaaaaaaaaaaaaads DEEEE!

22 hours ago · Comment · · See Wall-to-Wall

Diyana Mukri happy bdae cuzzie! i ♥ u!see ya in SG on first day of raye kays. (:

23 hours ago · Comment · · See Wall-to-Wall

Omama Ahmed Sirelkhatim I LOVE YOU Deana Sasha Baruchel. LOOOOOOOVE YOU ♥

12 minutes ago · View post · Remove tag

Muhammad Fahmi Attenborough woi, happy birthday be-ouch :P

2 hours ago · Comment · · See Wall-to-Wall

Hykarl Sufardi happy birthday DI YA NA!! XDD GET ON FB WOMAN!!!!

about an hour ago · Comment · · See Wall-to-Wall

Jesse Woo Jisoo HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2 hours ago · Comment · · See Wall-to-Wall

Siti Muadzaah Hi Deana Sasha Baruchel, cousin who eventually live far away from me hehe ♥ HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Hope you had a blast today! Miss you though, the fact that we live farfaraway, HAHA! Stay Awesome aites! ~~ So once again Happy Birthday awesomnesz! ♥

3 hours ago · Comment · · See Wall-to-Wall

Joy Kim Soo Yeon HAPPY B DAY D!!!!!
MISS YA MISS YA MISSSSSS YAAAAAAA! T T

4 hours ago · Comment · · See Wall-to-Wall

27. ... declare war on North-Korea.

THE BLOG LIVES.

Thank Omama for the new layout :P

I just told her what pictures to use, and crap.

Re-opening this blog, cause i'm oh so bored

I LOVE YOU OMAMA ^^

it's a lollapaloozaa :P

I, Deana 'Awesome' Baruchel hereby state,

DUDE, I'M FUCKED.

have a little patience ...

"Just have a little patience,

I really want to start over again"

Have you ever had that moment when you really wished you could start your life all over again?

So that you can fix certain things?

Like the mistakes you've made?

The things you wished for?

The insults you've hurled?

The feelings you've hurt?

The friends you've lost?

I do.

riding through the monsoon

another emo post

anyways.

people always tell me to 'forgive and forget' ...

...because apparently it makes your life that much better.

SO, I AM HERE TO SAY

i forgive you assholes who made my life miserable.

i forgive you assholes for calling me t-girl and shit..

i forgive the people who bitch behind my back

i forgive that 'SHUNWAYH BEEACH' (clue :- you wanna have seyxh with me?)

i forgive TGC for making me cry alot in form 3

i forgive her bastard friend who moved to aussie

i forgive jojo for the form 3 moments

i forgive 'excuze muaz' for spreading that shit ass rumour (saying i like him? wtf man, ==)

i forgive the racist bastards i've come upon

i forgive the son of the principal for being such a moron

i forgive.

forgive

for-give.

because in the end, that is the only thing i have to do,

the only thing i can do,

the only thing i will do

but get this in your stupid, messed up little mind.

i will forgive,

but i will never FORGET.

what?

i'm only human, i can't do fucking miracles.

go ask jesus for miracles.

period.

calling all twilight fans

Calling all twilight fans :)

In support of the awesome twilight series craze, i give you the hottest google mashup

: TWILIGHT GOOGLE :P

Searching for biology answers? Way more fun when you're looking at Edward :P

Searching for wallpapers?

Much more awesome when you have Jacob Black to drool at *slobber slobber*

With a tagline that reads "Fast, beautiful search, just like Edward"

googling things will be waayy more fun and alot more drool-worthy :)

Oh, and don't worry..

your homepage will still be google...

...it will still act like google...

...because it is still google, with just a dash of twilight :P

make twilight google your home page :)

Click here

And Enjoy!

Happy Birhday Ayah.

Whoo.

Happy birthday ayah (:

You're 43 years old now.

So old.

May all your 'wishes' come true.

last day of high school :)

the photos

the people

the pizzas

the picture taking :)

it's finally the last day of high school

"and i'm still fat - deana."

i've made friends here.

that are much more valuable than anything i've ever owned.

friends who laughed and cried with me.

friends who poke and throw spitballs and mentos on my hair

friends who tease me and well..

basically, friends who love me for who i am.

i'll miss you guys. all of you (:

'glee gang' :- chrystelle, omama, kelvin, hykarl, michiko hana (:

'koreans and japanese' :- michiko sato, jisoo, soo yeon, esther, rena

'giggles gang (whats left of it)' :- nahla, fahmi, faishal

'literature team':- sonia, iven, andhala

and of course. the one and only (: chef jade lim ^^

*i feel like crying right now*

don't you ever forget me. cause if you do, i'll hunt you down and make you remember me again.

i will. i swear.

i didn't even cry like this when i left singapore.

(well, i hated the friends i had there anyways *not including relatives*)

GO MAZ GO :P

"you looked so cute today (: well, i hope this is not the last time i'm going to see you. i just hope that you won't leave just yet. so that i can tell you that you have an awesome hair cut"

I'd like to thank chrystelle for her cute and sweet letter.

seriously, after i read it, i cried like hell.

i'll miss you sherlock.

i'll miss everyone.

i love you guys.

period. :)

replies.

figured, i'd reply here and not to my c-box.

:P

[jade] yeah man. i hate that song too. but, well, it matched whatever i was going through..

you know. crushing around (:

[chrys] chrystelle. chrystelle. chrystelle~

get a life XD

[jisoo] HAHAHAHA. no way man.

[chrys] yeah. yeah. i'm replying to them right now, in this tag/blogpost segment (:

[jade] eh. thursday was balls because of certain reasons (: don't feel like blogging about it.

that's woah. that's kinda weird. your good days. my bad days. my bad days. your good days.

anyways.

WHAT HAPPENED ON THURSDAY JADE?

lol. :)

quick updates (:

sorry i haven't blogged for a long time.

here are some of the highlights of deana's week.

SATURDAY

went to the book fair thingy and spent 300 ringgit on books (:

LAST SUNDAY

went out to one utama with chrystelle, omama, michiko hana, hykarl, kelvin and taran.

karaoka-ed until my throat became sore. LOL. omama kept singing every daym song we play. including the ones she doesn't know, had tons of fun. then we went to watch

How to Train Your Dragon

Personally, I thought that it was the best animated movie I've ever watched. I actually cried in the movie theatre.

Then we went to eat and i bought some kimchi fried rice *yummy* and went over to Chrystelle's house along with Michiko Hana. (:

MONDAY

Had Literature *again* and for the first time, the teacher wasn't that bitchy. She even lent me her book (: awesome right? Then me, Sonia, I-ven and Anya went out and formed 'THE LITERATURE TEAM' and we started cam-whoring and shouting at the lrt. (:

TUESDAY

Akanksha visited us in school (: It was awesome. She looks prettier and we spent the whole day catching up. We had a spitball fight during Biology and it was daym fun ^^. Then Jisoo started planning for prom.

WEDNESDAY

The prom committee had a talk with everyone in form 5. I pitied Jisoo because no one wanted to listen to her. That moment should've been turned into a movie

"Prom : The dark is rising."

THURSDAY

was by far the worst day of my life.

#182973897293494389893 million

that's the number of crushes i had in my life.

but none of them

felt like this.

you got me tripping, stumbling, flipping, fumbling

you got me slipping, tumbling, sinking, crumbling.

i think i like you (:

I LIKE YOU ALOT.

the moment i saw you, i felt a click in me.

we're meant to be, supposed to be

FML

one day, you'll regret this.

just wait.

cutest gay couple ever XD

GARH SO ADORABLE XD

i like the 'man-lier' one :)